Footstool Predictions - How England performed in the 2010 World Cup

With just three days to go the excitement is building as the nation prepares itself for the next instalment of anticipation followed by almost certain underachievement from this "Golden Generation" of England footballers. Whether it is at the end of the group stage (unlikely), the last sixteen (possible), the quarter finals (likely) or beyond, the England Football Team will return home, sore, bruised and full of excuses. But with Fabio Capello at the helm surely England will avoid the ignomy of the penalty shoot out or the consequenses of Wayne Rooney's dismissal for a moment of Latin inspired madness? How well will England do and what are the team's chances this time (more than any time)? With my crystal ball in tow this is what actually happens at the 2010 World Cup in South Africa.........

England have been given a favourable draw: - no English player should be fearful of the workrate of Rene Krhin (Slovenia), the "never say die attitude" of Rafik Djebbour (Algeria) or the silky skills of Carlos Bocanegra (USA). England end up as group winners where they face a last sixteen encounter with (on no) GERMANY! And this is where their campaign ignites. Germany have one of the best records of all the recognised footballing nations in the World Cup and England have one of the worst! But this is not a vintage German side and they lost their talisman, Michael Ballack, in one of the earlier warm up fixtures. The Germans still possess talent (you never write off the Germans!) and their team contains several world class performers with the likes of Bastien Schweinsteiger, Phillip Lahm and Miroslav Klose on show. But from the comfort of my sofa, with feet outstretched on my footstool and with beer in hand the Germans are mastered and England beat them:- in a penalty shootout!

So who do England face in the quarter final? It turns out to be the pesky Uruguayans and their prolific goal machine (and Manchester United flop), Diego Forlan. But Uruguay can not rely on just one man and they do not have the strength in depth that the top teams need to compete at this level. Diego may be one of the finest goal poachers for Athletico Madrid in La Liga but in the World Cup Quarter Final against England, Ledley King "has him in his pocket" and the striker proves completely ineffectual. The Three Lions win the game when Emile Heskey scores his eigth ever England goal in a tight and nervous encounter.

The World Cup Semi Final sees the stylish Dutch take on the ever improving English in what turns out to be a classic World Cup fixture. Van Bommel scores early for Holland whilst England reply when Joe Cole conjurers up a bit of magic and lobs Van der Saar from outside the box. Then England take the lead when Crouch heads in from close range only for the outstanding Wesley Sneijder to equalise just before half time. The second half remains goalless and extra time is looming when Gareth Barry scores his second ever England goal to take his team towards the final. With seconds to go and every Englishmen down to his last millimetre of biteable fingernail, Robin van Persie is tripped in the penalty area by the hapless John Terry...PENALTY!!! Van Persie himself steps up to take the spot kick and instead of placing his shot, he blasts the ball inches wide of Joe Hart's left hand post! The referee looks at his watch, blows and England are in their first World Cup Final since 1966! Utter pandemonium as the nation celebrates in joyous unison (and all thoughts of the recent Tory / LibDem budget massacre are banished until another day!)

England play Spain in the final and are beaten by four goals to nil.


The author has spent over 20 years experience running companies involved in furnishing fabrics and furniture manufacturing in the UK and writes extensively about footstools , contemporary British furniture and football. He also happens to be a follower of Manchester City